UNIMPORTANT

Dear Critic,

 

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’ve been taking hits to my pride. My ego is bruised. My forehead feels achey and my face flush with hurt and anger. My gut clenches and quivers…

I hate to accuse, but I wonder if you are behind this!

I’m wondering, “What’s behind my painful interpretations?”

WHY do I feel so insignificant? So unimportant?

Is it a crazy expectation to hold on part that the people I care most about show interest in what I am saying… laugh the right moments… and let it sink in more when I share something deep from my heart?

No!

And they do listen and value me… most of the time. They fail at times to give their full attention and be totally present, but so do I!

So, why do I feel soo hurt and convinced that I am not important?

I am going to ask Byron Katie for help on this one…

Here are the 4 questions she asks everyone:

1. Is it true?

No! Yes! Maybe! I know that it isn’t but it just feels so true at times and hurts so much!

2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?

No. Can’t prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt!

3. How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

I withdraw into being distant and judgy (inside my head). I feel hurt, invisible, and angry.

4. What would you be without that thought?

I would be so damn happy, I could not believe it! I would be happy whether anyone noticed or not. For no reason. I would feel like I was being kissed by the sun all the time!

Hmmm….

Turning this around…

 

I see also that… I feel that other people are unimportant. That I feel unimportant. That others may feel that I am very important. And at times, that I see myself as being very important…

Its making my head spin a little bit considering the different sides of this dynamic co-existing and all possibly true.

To be continued!